“And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” Joshua 24:15, NKJV.There are times in my life, when I am serving in many aspects of ministry. I am in a very large choir, and I love serving there, it is a part of me that can not be the same on the weeks I miss. Today is one of those times I am missing, and part of me is heartbroken, because I feel so free when we worship! I am a preschool teacher four days a week, in one of our local churches here in town. This is my sixth year teaching, and it has just become a part of who I am. I am free to worship in my classroom, and to teach 3 and 4 year olds to do the same! I LIVE for those days, and while I like a day off here and there, I miss it when we are off for a holiday. But one of my BIGGEST ways to minister, is in my very own home. And there are times when it has to come forth as a priority over the others. I am in a season as of late, where that is being seen.
My husband is not in the church. He believes, but as a child, his faith was tarnished by the harsh words of leadership in a church he was attending. At the prime age of 13 Joel was saved, but by the time he was 14, he had seen and heard too much hypocrasy in the christian community, and with no one to guide his thought process, was left to deal with it alone. From then on I know of only 2 times he attended church. It is one of my biggest responsibilities, not to "save" him, but to minister to him in all that I do. I am not always good at it. There have been many times I have failed, and probably hindered his progress. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't have a problem with the children and I going to church, in fact, he encourages it. I love that about him. But.. he is still hurting and while I am not 100% sure, I know that there have been many times, and many ways that Lord has touched him. And I know we are like ..this close to finally becoming something I dreamed of ~ a family with ONE heart for the Lord.
I have been so excited about singing with the Houston Symphony, and while I am, there is a big chance I won't be. See, a few weeks ago Joel asked to take the Explorer on his hunting trip ~which just happens to be the same weekend that the Symphony concert falls on. So at first I threw a fit, wanted to cry. The Lord has been working on me, softening my heart. I realized that this is my chance, to show my husband that my love and care for him, that my ministry at home will always take a priority over anything else. (Not my actual relationship with the Lord.) I would rather him take my Explorer, then to take his truck which isn't really reliable to take on such a long trip. I don't drive his truck, and it is not equipped to hold all three kids. The way I see it, is this is my chance to serve at home, over anywhere else. This time of year, my home is usually what suffers.
It is still possible that I can "work" something out, but to be honest, I don't know if that is going to be something I want to put energy into. Not because I dont' believe what the church is doing is important, I know it is. But because I know things happen for a reason, I am firm believer of that. Perhaps I am not supposed to be on the roads while he is out of town. It used to seem that everytime he went out of town, something went wrong. But then I got a reliable vehicle ~that he will be driving this time. LOL
I don't know if I am making any sense. But I know in my heart, that I am okay with it no matter what. It may look to others as I am "flaking" out of a responsibility to the choir, but that is definately NOT my intention. My true intention, is for this to be an opportunity to show my husband the love of the Lord, and that I can sacrafice for him, as he does for me. I am his helpmeet, and there isn't really many times I have to truly "sacrafice" anything for him.
Wow, Sheila, you and I do have lots in common. I'm in the same boat. DH saved at about 16, went to church on and off, and finally got serious about it 10 years ago, was in the church band and everything, and then was hurt by the leadership in the church, quit going and that was that. I know that God sent this man to me, but not to save him. I believe that soon we will be serving God as one heart, but in the mean time, I'll keep my heart and ears out for what the Holy Spirit wants me to do - which for the mean time is NOT preaching to him. It's living my life in service of family first, church second. I have increased my involvement in the church in hopes of him getting frustrated enough with the separation to join me, but I agree that you should certainly prioritise your hubby over choir. I do hope that a door can be opened for you to be able to go. Good luck babe! Praying for you, as always.
ReplyDelete