Time out Tuesday ~ 32 Random Q&A about me!

I am taking a time out today to just blog for the hayday of it! And I thought why not do a fun random q &a about me. I mean why not?! They are fun, and it lets me share something about myself with you that you might have been secretly wondering or if anything lets you know that like you, I am human too.

1.) Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? CLOSED! Have you not seen the movie Poltergeist? ( and I mean the original one)

2.) Do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? Nah. I am pretty pick about shampoo! 

3.) Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Tucked in at the bottom but out on the sides. Who can even get into bed if they are tucked in on the sides?

4.) Have you ever stolen a street sign? Uhm... Nope! 

5.) Do you cut out coupons and then never use them? All the time! 

6.) Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? A bear! I could cuddle a bear. Bees hurt. 

7.)Do you always smile for pictures? Nah.

8.) Do you ever count your steps when you walk? No. I have tried but then I get lost in my thoughts and then lose count. Who can count and think at the same time?

9.) Have you ever peed in the woods? Yep. 

10.) Do you still watch cartoons? Yep. 

11.) Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? I can't you to. If I tell you I have to keel  you. 

12.) What do you drink with dinner? Depends. Sometimes water. Sometimes diet soda. Sometimes "mommy water". 

13.) What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Ranch or spicy ketchup

14.) What movies could you watch over and over and still love? What women want. Pretty Woman. Home alone 1 and 2. Elf. A Christmas Story.

15.) Were you ever a girl scout? Yep

16.) Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Depends. Haha. Just kidding. Nope.

17.) Can you change the oil on your car? Nope.

18.) Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? Yep.

19.) Afraid of heights? Nope.

20.) Do you sing in the car? Duh! Who doesn't!?

21.) Is Christmas stressful? If my OCD takes over yes. If I allow JOY to reign and have no signs of family drama then no. This past Christmas was the BEST we have had in years!

22.) Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid. Teacher. Writer.

23.) Do you believe in ghosts? I believe that you can believe in anything. But ghosts? No. Never. 

24.) The first concert you ever went to. Oh Gosh! I don't remember. 

25.) Walmart, Target, or Kmart? NEITHER! Well... If I had to pick I would ONLY say Walmart because we have one close to home now. 

26.) Nike or Adidas? Under Armour. Sorry. 

27.) Can you curl your tongue?a little

28.) Have you ever cried because you were so happy? YES.

29.) The last concert you saw? Uhm.... don't' remember! 

30.) Can you swim well? Yes

31.) Can you knit of crochet? KNIT

32.) Are you a dog person or a cat person? I like them both! 

There ya go! A little random info about me. I may do more of these as the weeks pass because... that was fun! Now, I am off to finish baking cookies, mop the floors and fold some laundry! 

 

Hiding behind a mask

What mask are you hiding behind?

Don't say none, because we all do it. Everything looks good on the outside, and we even go as far as to tuck all the ugliness away to be unseen. Many times a day we change our mask to match the situation we are facing. Even when we look at our own reflection, we hide behind the mask.

The other day I was sharing in my day, and then had to go really quickly because I needed to "paint my face" on. Yes I meant makeup but, maybe I realized how much  more I meant by that statement then I led on.

I can go through my day and put on such a front that I even fool myself sometimes. Not for long, because thankfully God brings me back to reality, but please! I realize too often  how easy it is to put on a mask then to just deal with the situation at hand.

Today Pastor Garrett was sharing about how he keeps a bullet in his desk drawer. I have heard the story before, but every time I do, it brings tears to my eyes, and leaves my spirit broken. See he was a youth pastor for along time (several years) before moving up into an associate pastor's position in our church. Anyway, he was at youth camp and it was the last day. He had been talking the kids as a group when the Holy Spirit prompted him to approach one of the teens right then. He, for a split second second guessed it because after all, he was in the middle of something. Thankfully Garrett was obedient because he approached the young man. The teen was very popular and on the outside looked like he had it all together. After talking to him for a while, the teen gave his life to the Lord. The next week, the teen approached Garrett and handed him a bullet. He told him that he had prayed, and if God didn't do something that week at camp, he was going to come home and blow his brains out. Thankfully the Lord moved, and Garrett listened. When the teen handed the bullet to Garrett he told him that he didn't need anymore, that he now had God.

How many times do we put on a fa sod and make it look good to others (even ourselves) that we are all put together, and life is grand when it feels completely and utterly hopeless? How many times do we look at others and think that they have it all together just by the way things appear on the outside? There is so much that God can do through us if we would just be honest with others, and even more so with ourselves. There is so much power in letting go of the fake stuff just because we are afraid of being judged. I am here to tell you there is always going to be someone judging you in this world. We humans are very critical of others, as well as ourselves. If we were as critical though of our own selves, as we are others, there would be far less hurting going on. Why? Because I can tell you first hand I have enough to be critical over in my life, that I no longer have time to focus on you, or her, or that one over there.

So, on this first Sunday in March, I am announcing to the entire world that I am taking off my mask forever. I challenge each of you to consider to do the same. It's hard. It's painful. But I am ready to be completely FREE to be what God has created me to be and I can't do that until I allow myself to be completely genuine with myself and others. I can't fool God, neither can you. Why don't we just stop trying to.

My name is Sheila. From this point forward I may share things you don't like. That is fine. If you don't like it, simply don't read it. Point blank. I am learning to love me for who I am and I am inviting you to do the same. You don't have to love, just accept me as I am. Flaws and all. And I promise, to accept you just as you are.

Whose race is this anyway?

I have issues with "challenges". Why? Because I realize so many times in the middle of it, that I am doing things for someone else. I CAN"T do that!! Why? Let me explain!

I. Am. A. People. Pleaser!

I have commited to this "Biggest Loser Challenge" out of pressure, and I wish I hadn't. I can't get out of it though. Well, I can, but I will be letting someone down. But I have to. For my own good.

I realized yesterday, that when I go this journey alone, I can focus clearer and I react different to the "accountability" that others may thrive on. I will begin doing things with the motivation and attitude of "if I don't, I will let so and so down", not because it is the best choice for me.  Do you see where I am going with this? I have been feeling alot of presssure in my life (mainly from myself) coming at me in all ways possible. Part of it is I know that God is working on me, to look to HIM for strength, and away from my own merrits. But alot of it is pressure I put on myself to not let anyone around me down. The result of my lastest attempts? I got sick. Yep. Me. The one with a stronger immune system then anyone I know. Why? Because I needed to be knocked down off my highhorse and told "I can't do it all on my own!".

So, today, I am back to riding this journey on my own without the added pressure of keeping up with the Joneses. It doesn't work for me. And to prove how wierd I am, I like to workout alone as well. I can so easily be swayed and distracted by others that it is just in the best intrest of doing it on my own! (Well, please read when you hear that, I mean in this realm. I will ALWAYS be functioning in God's Grace (his power) and without that I can do nothing.

This race to the finish line (135) is mine. It's MY race to complete! No one can get me there, no one can hold me back. I shall not find blame in anyone. But I also can't cross that finish line without having time to get rid of the rest of this bondage. :) And to do that, honestly, I have to focus on me. I can't worry about letting soneone else down, nor can I worry about having someone else to carry me. God has given me the motviation, the drive, and the determination to get there. It is up to ME to complete it.

There will be a Skinny Minny Mommy video posted this weekend. When I post it, I will come either include it in a blog post, or at least give the link! Thanks for you love, support, and understanding while I am unleashing the "ME" I knew I could be.


From my scale to yours ~ I wish you a successful day!

My heart is yours forever

In the depths of change, can bring out revolution and challenges. I am there. Yes, this week I have been down for the count with a virus, but I think it was time for God to pull me away from all that distracts me from listening to His voice. When your life is so busy, so full, there is alot of opportunity to keeping pushing down the thing you need the most. Time with the Father.

I can honestly say that nothing in my life matters a hill of beans, if I don't have my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I can ruin anything I touch in my own power, including my marriage, the raising of my children, my career, my home. I cannot honestly say I cannot handle these things alone. When I try, I bring complete and utter caos to everything around me. Even though we were created in His image, we are also very tarnished in our way of thinking by this world, and the one who tries to tempts us away from what is good.

I have been moved by many things in the last month. Paula and I were chatting online via email, and I was so moved by her convictions on television. Since that one conversation, I was just in awe of what God was showing me that I was literally spending my time on.  JUNK! C'mon let's be honest. How much JUNK tv do you watch?  I challenge you, while one of your "favorite ` can't miss an episode" comes on, ask yourself if you would allow your 6, 8, or 10 year old to watch it. I am convinced that if my kids had to sit and watch what I have on the tv, there are times I would blush. Now, ask yourself, if Jesus was sitting in your livingroom, would you watch that show? There are many that I would not. I already do not go with the mainstream on watching alot of tv, but there are still some, I would be embarassed to have on if He stopped by to visit. Well guess freaking what!?! He does! HE is! And, I can tell you there is alot I won't be giving my time to anymore.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Pil 4: 7-9

It is challenges like these in life, when we realize who we are, and what we want. Do I want to be up in the know and know, or do I want to be able to accept my choices? I honestly can't accept the choice of watching, or allowing our children to watch, anything that speaks against modesty, saving themselves for marriage, choosing healthy lifestyle because of health and not reward, not accepting booze or drugs as a way of "dealing with life". I just can't. I see the devistation that comes from all of these circumstances, and I can no longer allow our children, or myself to be influenced a moment longer.I used to watch "The Bachelor" as a way of having my "junk" fix, but that is done. I LOVE "The Biggest Loser" but there is something about this season that has kept me in tangent for one reason or another. What's the point? Did I lose my weight because of that show? Heck no! Did I join the biggest loser club and feel like i owe them something? NO! I did it through Christ alone, he deserves the glory and attention. Will I stop watching it? Well, I may DVR it, and watch it when I have "free time" on the weekend, but I will not be making sure everything  in our house is done by 7 so it is quiet and I won't miss a beat. Not a very good attitude is it? And I dont' even watch some of the tackiest shows on tv right now! YUCK! I am thankful I never felt like a 'Desperate Housewive" or felt like I belonged in a "Bad Girls' Club".  TV is not bad ~ but the options that are available for wholeseome tv, are really becoming less and less. (That is probably why I watch of old reruns on TvLand like I love Lucy and Andy Griffith.) And if you allow your children to watch what they want, shame on you! There I said it. EVEN teenagers. I used to allow my kids to watch anythng on Disney, or Nick. Now? NO way! Some of that is awful and has so many hidden messages that if your not watching it with them, they are absorbing it like water! I don't know what it is, but Spongebob is the worst! My kids after watching that fight, and are very disrespectful which are NOT qualities we allow to be shown in our home, let alone outside of it. How about you? Are you controling what your kids are watching, or has the tv become a "babysitter" for you to have the "ME" time you deserve?

I know this post may sound harsh to some, but I am arising to a new place, and I am excited! I am sharing the changes that *I* am making, and why. We have to stand up for our homes, and what we allow to become of them.  What kind of music do you allow your children to listen to? That is a whole other post! But I will tell you, that while working out I allowed myself to believe that I needed a different kind of music to "get me through it". What a fool I am! There are LOTS of options to listen to. I may even download a book onto my MP3 player, and enjoy that experience, or perhaps a sermon from one of the many GREAT pastors out there.
I am done playing "house", and am ready to enjoy the experience and enjoy every moment that God has given me. I just realized that I am ready to take my life to the next level. Not for anyone else, but to experience all that God has for me. I am ready to be open to new things, new experiences and stop holding onto things simply out of comfort. I need to let go of the things that allow me to live a "normal life" and instead push forward to live a life that is "extraordinary"!

This is so typical for me. Realizing that all I need to do is let go and quit trying to control everything, and instead allow God to do what only God can do. Now... if only I can move past ONE minute on this freedom journey of mine! LOL

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11: 28-29

As you begin to enjoy your weekend, may God bless you and yours!

Who are you doing this for and why?

Really, it is an easy question, but often it is hard to answer. We have to figure out when we are losing weight, who are we losing it for. Are we losing it for ourselves, or to please someone else? Are we losing it to be healthy or to save a marriage, have kids, go on vacation, look good at an event?

I have caought myself saying "maybe if I lose 10 more pounds" life will be easier. I will feel more loveable. I will be accepted. I developed this pattern of thinking when I was heavy, before reaching where I am today even seemed possible.I would say these things to myself in hopes of having motivation to get up and get busy. The problem is when I am still thinking these things when I am already there. LOL I have not yet "arrived" or even come to accept my body where it is now, I often still see it at 227 pounds instead of the 150 I am today. It is a disordered way of thinking, a type of "stinkin thinkin" that I want to get rid of, and the only way that can happen is through prayer, and re training my thinking. Since this is my biggest challenge, and in some ways, is what is holding me back from reaching my goals, it is what my focus is on lately.

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things.Philippians 4:8

My daughter has an afterschool program thingy going on today, so no gym for me. I will workout at home, but I will also spend some time making cute little scripture cards with the above verse and plaster my house with them. :) All the mirrors, the fridge's, the computer desk, the rearview mirror in the Explorer, and anywhere else I can think to put it!

Why / Who are you doing this for?
I am concentrating on weightloss for many reasons.
1.  I am vain, and want to look pleasing to the eye (my husband's eye)
2. I want to be healthy role model for our kids. Both my husbands' side of the family, as well as mine has obesity running all through it. I want them to see
3. My body is my temple ` my sacrafice to God. It should be as strong and "neat' as I can make it.
4. As a preschool teacher, it is important for me to teach these kids about healthy living, not by what I say, but by how I live.

Now it's your turn! Who are YOU doing this for, and why?

From my scale to yours ~ I wish you a successful day!

2010: The year my dreams come true

There are so many things I want to accomplish in 2010, and for once in my adult hood I am NOT putting weight loss. I am at a healthy weight, and while I want to hit dream goal ~ and I know that my dreams are going to come true this year, it will happen naturally. I have changed my entire lifestyle, so if it is meant to be, it will be. As of right now I am healthy! And so 2009 was a success because I gave myself the gift of health, happiness, and self acceptance. There is no gift that NO ONE can give me that will top that.

BUT I do have some pretty tough goals that I want to achieve this year.

**MY MAIN priority is always to better my relationships with my household relationships, as well as my spiritual relationship with Our Heavenly Father**
1. Write a book (or two): Weightloss, and a children's book.
2. Run a marathon (even if it's just a 5k)
3. Volunteer somehow to encourage heathy environments for children.
4. Possibly get in with MOPS to become a public speaker to encourage parents and preschool teachers alike.
5. Plant/tend/ and harvest a garden this year. (Spring/ Summer/ into Early Autumn)
6. Embrace each day for what it is : a gift! I want to realize my attitude makes all the difference in the world, not other's.
7. Paint and redecorate every inch of our home.
8. Build an entertainment savings account. Yes we have a savings account, and are not struggling. But I hate that we pull out of it whenever we decide we want to do something. Now, we don't do it all the time obviously or it wouldn't be there. And praise the Lord it is enough to probably float us for a year if need be, but we don't want to use it for that.

Yes, the list could go on and on, but this is a vast list of various things that in my heart, I have a passion for. A drive and motivation to tackle. Honestly, as well as I feel lately I want to tackle the world, but what happens when we begin to focus on our goals for the upcoming year ( mind you I did not say New Year's Resolutions) is we become over zealous and then do not follow through. We make lofty goals, and then decide it was too much to begin with. I simply REFUSE to do that. I am goal oriented, and I know that I can accomplish anything I put my mind and heart to. Not just my mind, not just my heart, but both.

I AM.....

This morning I am spending a few moments reflecting in all the changes that have occured this year. I realized I am becoming something I have always wanted.
 I AM:
a wife
a mother
a daughter
a sister
a friend
a singer
a minister
a worshipper
a writer
a homemaker
a baker
a chef
a makeover in the raw
compassionate
passionate
joyful
blessed
usually in a state of peace, even in the midst of caos
a coffee addict
kind and tenderhearted  ( I am one of those who will cry at a commercial!)
spoiled
a drama queen at times
determined
driven
living a purposeful life
a home decorater
a teacher by gift, not by training
a talker
a reader
a shopper
Slender
Healthy
Active
a fashionetta diva in the making (once again)

and to tell you the truth, I am still so much more. It is exciting for me, to allow myself to be who I am. To seek out the things that bring me pleasure, and to finally enjoy living. Yesterday I came in, and just began tackling some of my places of "caos". I dont' naturally live in caos, but there are times in our life where it seems that it just happens. I am off next week, my kids are in school two of those days. I don't want to spend my days off (and alone) tackling these projects, so I am working hard this week to get these things done, so that when the time comes I can enjoy and feel blessed about having things done and not feeling overwhelmed. It was very fleeting to be doing these things, without having to use a 'to do" list. It all just came so naturally, and I loved every bit of it! I enjoyed myself, it wasn't such "hard" work, or what have you. I truly felt "at home" in my home. I haven't always felt that, especially lately. I know that as time continues not only will I feel comfortable in my home again, but I will eventually feel comfortable in my own skin. Dont' get me wrong, I love the "new" me, but there are days I just long for the number on the scale. I would get rid of my scale, if I could handle the pressure of it, but seriously people I still weigh daily, often twice a day. I am not effected by the result, as it is staying the same, and I have been on track pretty well, so I know that there is no reason for a massive gain/freakout session. But I also have to admit, that since it isn't changing, it is keeping me totally on track and constantly saying NO to starbucks (*don't pass out please!*), and other yummy seasonal goodies.

Anyway, sometimes I think it is a good thing to evaluate our lives, and see where we are at the moment. Who we are. We are God's creation, so we (whether we want to or not) are always changing one way or another. I am excited about that change. It will either mean I am growing, or backsliding. I don't want to go backwards, so I must press forward. I choose to press forward! I choose to inspire others to do the same.

Now that I have interrupted your day,  you might want to consider making your own list of who YOU are. Sometimes taking inventory, can let us know where we are, and maybe what areas we want to work on.

With Much Love,

Taking a moment for the simple things

I have so much to share today, so much that has been on my heart, so I am going to just go with the flow of what is floating around in my head, and allow you take a peek at what I am all about. (Like you dont' already know! ) Things may seem jumbled, but like I said I have lots to share and I don't have time to sit and compartmentalize it all in little areas. So.. here goes:

*Taking a moment to breath it all in*

This week, walking has for the most part been our mode of transport. We walk to school ( the kids, and I even walked to work one day), and have comitted to do so more often. I am working diligently to embrace these "natural" forms of exercise into my daily life rather then "forcing" workouts. As a busy mom of three young kids I only see it as the right way for our family, at least right now. So, as a mom and a wife who takes her roles pretty responsible, I am cancelling my gym membership. It will put 32 buckaroos back into the budget for the month ( not that it is a whole lot), but it would honestly be a waste. This excites me. As I was walking, I realized how much I have been missing out on. For the first fall ever (that I remember anyway) I have seen so many changes in our trees. Usually I see them go from green to brown to gone. So, here are some landscaping pics of our trees that I couldn't help but share! Even if only for myself.




*Simple life*
I am working hard towards making our lives more simple. The simpler things can become the better. Why? Because then it gives me more time, energy, and strength to focus on my family. THEY are the most important people in my life. I am hem hawing, and of course praying about home schooling next year. Our daughter starts Jr. High this next year, and I just can't imagine her going. Why? This is going to sound so hypocritical, but here goes my list of concerns:

* The negative influence of other children ( This is already an issue in elementary and has been for a few  years. We like our kids to be kids, and to think like kids, and to act like kids. There are alot of other parents who don't keep up with what their kids are doing ~ just so they are out of the their hair, and will often expose them to things that my husband and I do not believe that kids should be exposed to. ) Don't get me wrong, I do believe that kids should be given the chance to 'hang out" with other kids ~ and rest assured no matter what we do with schooling that happens anyway.

* I don't like what I KNOW is coming in the education system. I don't like knowing that my kids will NOT be taught in a way that builds their self esteem, and confidence in their learning in a way that excites them about learning. I have taken the time this year to work with my daughter, and RETEACH her what she is being 'tested' on weekly in a way that she has confidence in the stuff she is learning. IF I am already doing that, why not do it all the way across the board where not only is she spending 8 hours at school, but having to do some more at home.

*See that statement above? Why is it that these kids spend 8 hours a day at school, and yet still have an hour's worth of homework EVERYDAY ~ even weekends? And that is without a decent recess which is another whole issue with me. LOL KIDS NEED TIME TO BE KIDS!

*My husband is seeing what is going on, and is beginning to understand this desire. We discussed the other day, and he said we could try it if we want. I plan on continue to discuss this and make a decision very soon for the next school year.

Okay, I gotta run take care of some of those simple things I discussed, like laundry, cleaning te living room, balancing the budget, and ya know.. living life! HOpe to be back later tonight! ~ In fact I will be! I gotta  hit up day 2 of Beautiful you!

What are YOU gonna do?

This just explains all that I have been feeling over the last few days. God is sooo good! And amazing! That's all.. carry on with your day!

Weekly Wrap Up

Ahhhh... do you hear that? QUIET! I have waited all week for this moment! LOL So, now that I have a few moments to myself ( Praise the Lord that my husband is naping, kids at school), I thought I would do a wrap up blog post sharing some things that have "hit me" this week. This will probably be all over the place, so go get you a cup of your favorite beverage that you like to drink , me I will just sit here and wait. Just finished some lemonade, so I am good!

*Parenting*
Things are going well with the kids. I thought I would post a few new pics, because it well... has been a while!

The boys LOVE to have pics taken!











Kristen is at that funny quirky stage with pics!







Report cards come home today, and because of modern technology I have a sneak peak! LOL The twins who are in 2nd grade have straight A's, while Kristen who is in 5th grade has all A's and B's. I am very proud of all three of them, because they have worked hard this past six weeks! They have learned so much, and are cooperating once again with an afternoon schedule that is working for us all. They asked me this morning if we were going to church this Sunday. It does this momma's heart some good when I realize that not only did *I* miss it, but they did too. It truly does make a difference in our daily lives, by attending church on Sunday. Now, don't get me wrong. We don't just "go to church", we live church daily. I think in the next few weeks I will share of how our Christian life, really became just that and steps we are doing to increase that growth as we are all growing. God is sooo good in this, and I can't wait to be able to go into more details!

*Preschool*
Preschool is going wonderfully. I LOVE MY CLASS! Every year I say that, every year I mean it! Each new school year, new group of students, are such a gift and a blessing! They just teach you so much about yourself, about God and his wonderful gifts, and about one another. Children can truly teach you more then you can imagine if you allow yourself to think outside the stuffy box that you live in.

*Marriage*

My dear loved one, and I are doing well. I am so thankful that Joel loves me undconditionally, and has dealt with me during all these transitions. I know it was difficult on him, as it is me, and I feel bad that he has had to even deal with any of the sillyness, over obsessiveness, too much wishy washyness, and above that he understanding about me having to take some time out for myself. We are hopelessly devoted, in the good times and the bad. This time of year though, brings LOTS of good times, but as with any household and an increasingly crazy economy, some tough times too. We (especially ME) is determined to get through the next three months with a more positive attitude about clinching our budgets, and not going overboard for Christmas.

*Weightloss*
This week has been a monumental week for me. Not because the scale had anything to do with it. But because I have come to a realization that I wasn't sure I could face. Do you want to know what that is? That I am in a sweet spot. I think that is one reason I have been having the little deviations on weekends. And do you want to know something? I am feeling really good. There are no "binges" just things I don't eat all week long. I am so okay with that. I almost want to call "goal" but .... I don't think I am quite ready to do that. But to know that If I never lost another ounce I would be happy ~ is a great feeling. THAT is way different then last week. Way different then any time in my adult life.  I have returned to the gym ~ not out of "needing" to drop the weight, or feeling like I HAD to go, but because I wanted to go. THAT is progress people! I do not eat the way I eat (at least 5 days a week) because I HAVE to, but because I want to. I do not share my journey because I feel I NEED to, but because I feel led to.

I realize it is hard for alot of my readers to comprehend some of the things I have been through, or have you relate to where I have been because I have not always shared the hard times. There were some, but this journey has been life altering and worth every  minute. In the GAG challenge, I get so discouraged to see others just give up. But what can you do? I do best when I focus on ME and MY weightloss, rather then worrying about trying to motivate others, and get them into their own. I give up trying. I wont' go out of my way to only have my efforts squashed and told "it's too hard". (I am talking about people in my real life ~  not online). All I have to say about that is this: "If it was easy, there would not be sooo many people who are obese ~ and continually killing themselves with food."

Move it Monday

I am a bit rushed for time, but have a whole jumble of things I want to share this morning, before I go about really getting my day moving. In my defense, the only thing left to finish getting purty for the day is my "mop". LOL

• A good night's rest is crucial to clear thinking, losing weight, and overall happiness.
• Having a few "off" weekends won't kill your weightloss plan. It is when those weekends close in from Friday through Thursday! Thank the Lord, that isn't happening with me. My body wouldn't let it even if I wanted it.
• My kids were excited that we had another late night Saturday, but were also elated when they found out that next Saturday we are staying home, and laying low. Oh how I love those children!
• It is warming up again this week only to be greeted with a cooler cool front at the end of the week. Nice.
• I wonder how much slack I will get for NOT making mashed potatoes for dinner! Think my husband will notice? OH yeah I am sure.
• Yesterday's blog post is still in my head! I think I will work on that "Self Inspiration" project I wanted to start on last week. I didn't start it yet, but I am eager to.
• Hitting the gym this afternoon! It is like I get to go see a long lost friend! (We haven't been since the flu hit, and even though I love my wii fit, nothing will compare to a hard workout at the gym!)
• Our area lost 2 police officers this Saturday evening. Both of them were father's to young children. Please pray for our men and women who are serving your communities in the fire department as well as the police department.

Okay. The mumble jumble is out! LOL Have a lovely Monday. Here is a pic to get your thoughts on YOUR journey, and to discover what you want to do with your life.

No matter how BIG your journey is, or how small you feel, YOU will get there! Embrace each moment for what it is, and learn from it. Don't give up, push forward, and allow those around you to help!

Be your OWN success story!

Do you see that smile? That is a smile of a woman who is a dream maker! She is a goal setter, and an achiever. She has set a new pace for her life and realized that she really did it! She started out on her journey for the millionth time in April of 2008 and she has arrived now in October 2009. She is a weightloss success story! She is a work of art, and has a testimony to prove it.

No, I have NOT reached my goal of 145 but do you want to know something? There is not a doubt in my mind that I will get there. It may take a few weeks, a month, several months, evey a year. But I know I will get there.  I think the last week and a half have been an emotional speed bump for me, and I am finally over it. It was the longest speed bump that I had been on, and I realize that alot of it was mostly hormone induced, but I truly haven't felt that kind of devistation like I had felt since the beginning of my journey. I was heartbroken, and I felt defeated. I felt like my journey was coming to an end and that I should just give up.

I can't give up because this is a lifestyle for me. So giving up is like saying all the hard work I have done was NOT worth it. It so was. And I love it. I love living a healthy life! I love loving life again. I love where I am in this journey of mine. If I truly was going to be "stuck" where I am now ~ I could so stay happy! I am my own inpsiration right now. I know that may sound narcissistic but for me, that is a miracle in itself. I have never looked at what I am doing as an inpiration to myself, but if I cant' inspire me ~ how can I truly inspire anyone else? It's kinda like if you can't love yourself, how can you show love?

So, if you have really been reading my blog entries lately you will see that I have come full circle, once again I love that by sharing these struggles not only may it help someone else, but it helps me to see where I am, where I have come from, and where I am headed. It is intresting to probe into this thick skull of mine and see what is really hiding inside. There is this little me up there usually shoved to the corner with duck tape on her mouth! Luckily she is getting stronger everyday and that duck tape is coming off forever! I don't need to keep silent anymore. I don't need to accept the lies that the enemy tells me anymore. I am BEAUTIFUL and with the Power of God I have arrived! No more will I stay silent to please anyone. No more will I say something that isn't who I am about. I am not about failure, and it's not an option. Failure is when you give up. Not only do you give up on what you started, but you give up on a little bit of yourself. So sad..... and pretty pittiful if you ask me. But I have done that ~ over and over and over again. I almost did it again. I will be honest for a few minutes and say that GAG was almost shoved on to another blogger to take over, or it was going to be burried forever. I was in a deep dark sinkhole and for almost a minute I didn't care who I took with me. But I didn't. I pushed through my dissapointments, through the pain, and through the desperation. If I gave up on me, I would also be giving up on so many others. I could have given up giving up on the others ~ hey, I said I was being honest ~ but I couldn't have lived with giving up on myself one more time.

Being around friends last night, who were so supportive of what I am going through mentally, and reassuring me of how far I have come, I realize... I am one lucky lady! I am so blessed! I couldn't be happier right now! My friends, my family, and even myself ~ we all accept me for who I am! NO matter what, I will never look at myself in the terrible way that I have been in the last week and a half. And to be honest, I took what the Lord has done through me, and took away a bit of that and treated it like it was trash. How sad. I mean let's give God the glory for what He has done, because without Him, I could do nothing!! And look! He has made me a butterfly! I was burried deep in a cocoon for so long I think I was just scared to come out and shake off those wings to dry so that I could  fly. But now... I am ready!

Moral of the story? Be your own success story! It is always motivational to read stories of how others have succeeded in their weightloss journies, but.... being able to sit back and realize you have one of your own is an amazing thing. If you are just starting on your journey, or you feel like you have a long way to go let me encourage you to not give up. IF you are in the mid point and it seems like life is mediocre, then get some fresh "juice" and step it up a notch or two. Whatever you do, realize that no one can do it for you, no one can make you do it, no one can carry you along on your journey. YOU have to do it. YOU are worth it!

TAKE THAT Tuesday

TAKE THAT Tuesday ~ September 29, 2009
Current weight: 151


Goals this week consist of hitting many areas in my life.

*Weightloss*
1.To get out of the 150's even if it is 149 for the week!
2. NO deviations this week, reserving them for every other week.
3.Compound a few more meals for the family that get them eating along the lines of I. I do eat healthier then anyone I know.
4. To not allow negative comments to effect my journey this week.
5. To create my "vision" board (Tuesday while watching The Biggest Loser) ~ share on blog.

*Home*
1. Continue hitting those "little" spots that no one see's , that I KNOW need my attention!
2. Finish going through closet to gather clothes to pass on to Josie ~ before Thursday *DONE*

*Family*
1. Do not use the words "in a minute" one time to my kids this week. Those s hould be counted as dirty words.
2. Study with Kristen her spelling words tonight for test tomorrow, and on Thursday with the twins for their test on Friday.*DONE*
3. Study with Kristen on Wednesday and Thursday for her President and State test on Friday, using the errorless learning method.
4. Make time for just DH and I each and every day even if *gasp* I have to put my "shows" on hold.

*Crafts*
1. Plan and prepare Thanksgiving invitations. These should go out on the 24th of October.
2. Begin knitting blue/brown scarf.

*Gag*
1. Tally results and have posted by Thursday at the latest. *DONE*
2. Tally results from the point challenge and post by Thursday at the latst.
3. Prep the weigh in for week 5, and the point challenge for week 6 so they are posted in a timely manner.

For me, having lots to focus on and to keep me busy let alone having it posted to keep me accountable is an amazing thing. I truly LOVE my blog! If I wasnt already married, I might would marry it it is just that cool! LOL

So there you have it. Updated pics, updated weight, and my goals for the week ahead. Have a fantastic day!

What Inspires me

As I sat and pondered today what I wanted to share on the blog, a thought came to mind. (Does that suprise you? Ha!) The thought that has been swimming in my head all morning is a simple yet very profound question, and can be answered in so many different ways. The thought is this.. "What inspires you to do what you do?". Because I am not just about weightloss I don't necessarily mean in just the realm of losing weight, but every aspect of your life.

In my weight loss:
The Gag challenge was inpsired because in an online group that I was a part of I was not allowed to participate in a weightloss challenge that was presented because I had less then 20 pounds to lose. In all honesty, it made me very sad and I felt so unworthy. I know the person who presented the challenge did not see it that way, and it wasn't done to make me feel that way, but that is how I felt. I can't help that. I felt like just because I had worked so hard on my own to lose weight that I was basically being told "Tough, finish it on your own." This happened at at time when my real life support began dwindling. As I said the other day, many people in my real life want to me to be "done" losing weight though I am not honestly ready. So the inspiration behind GAG was to find the support I needed, as well as maybe give some of that support back to those who longed for it. Who needed it. It was created out of love and out of need. My inspiration is to be a support for those who just can't to seem to find it in their real lives, because well, I know how it is. It is my deepest desire to see GAG become so popular that by the end of the challenge everyone is excited about starting a new challenge in January, and the number of our challengers increase. I would love to see this become a revolution for those all around because well, it is so important to realize that we are worth taking care of. I was not taught that I was worth the effort, and so that is BIG to me. Big enough to work hard at sharing this truth with strangers, friends, and even my own husband and children. The truth that I honestly believe will help millions of people redeem their health, their relationships, their lives.

It is my goal to hit my goal weight and stay there for the rest of my life. Come what may. Not just for me, but to show others it can be done, and it is worth being done. Some days are hard, but as I continue to reflect on my jurney I am just in awe. Not of what I could do, but God has done through me. What he continues to do, the lives that are being changed, just by sharing my story and my journey. Sure, I could keep all that to myself, but .... what kind of inspiration is that? Who can be inspired by a story never told?

Parenting
I am inspired to be the type of parent that is up to date, yet holds on to yesterday's values. I can listen to the Black Eyed Peas, and still watch Leave it to Beaver all in one day. As a mom I am vivacious, and the inspiration to continue working on that, is indeed my children. They bring out the best in me. At times, some situations they have brought on have brought out the worst in me as well, but with an eye always open to see how I can improve. It is important for me to bring our children up in a Godly home. Not just for "looks" but so that they can see how to truly live a Christian lifestyle that speaks volumes without words. We go to church on a regular basis, we dont' "play" church. Our Bibles are used throughout the week, some weeks more then others.Prayer is constant, and not just when in need. It is important for me to do these things in consistency because as I was raised they just weren't. Sure we went to church, but not always on a regular basis.Sure I heard mom pray, but only at times when there was a need, never once did I hear her pray to praise God unless you count the times she found a decent parking spot. Prayer at meal times were non existent except for hoidays or if we had guests. Around our table, we pray before ever meal, and often before snacks too. It is habit, but yet we are so greatful.

Homekeeping
I could go back to when I was a kid, and say that I just didn't have those skills taught to me, but I won't. I did have some things taught,at least the cleaning and cooking part. Keeping a home is so much more then that. Making our home a haven is what inspires me when I am cleaning, cooking, decorating, and moving things around. I always want our home to represent the ones that live there, as well as be a place where when you walk in the door a large sigh of contentment can be heard for miles! One of my favorite bloggers has taught me so much about making my home a "safe haven" and not just a place to hang your hat. And another has taught me that little details to things mattter! I often find inspiration for new dinners through Taste of Home, and from reading the posts on Menu Plan Monday. I would have loved to lived in the 50's and in my own little way, I try to bring some of those traditions back into the home. Family comes first. Beyond school work, church, everything ~ family is first. (God is the head of our lives , while my husband is the head of our home, I the heart. Very traditional roles that we take very seriously. Call me old fashioned, I like it!)

In my classroom
Seeing kids learn and retain what they learn, inspires me in the classroom. As they come in the next day, and parents are telling me what they shared about the day before, I just get so excited! For three year olds to remember what they did in enough detail to share with mom and dad, that is a BIG deal! And the more I hear of it, the more it inspires me to continue and work harder at presenting new and exciting information to them in ways that can change a life. I love what I do, and because of that I am daily inpsired to do it that much harder, that much more. On days that I don't feel so inspired, seeing their little faces, and innoscent eyes, inspires me!
I am inspired to write to share my heart, because I have been inspired in the same way years ago. God has placed this desire within me, to share my life story, and all that it is involved in that for His glory, not my own.

So, how are YOU inspired?

A Burning Within

I woke up this morning with this sense of urgency. An urgency to get back to basics. This has been in me for the last few weeks, but today it is strong! For so long I saught out blogs and articles on losing weight, fitness tips, and altering the family table to be more non processed. Even with all the excitement of the upcoming callenge, my focus is naturaly taking a different course of action. Sure, I will always be on that journey but today, today I must seek out what is burning within me.

This morning as I sat on the computer during my quiet morning time (read as husband at work, children sleeping), I realized I needed to begin seeking out what was burning within me. That is my home! My home, the way I tend to it, and all the blessings inside especially my husband and children. I walked, no ran to one of my favorite bloggers sites and was blessed beyond belief that God had not only one word for me there, but many! This new blog entry just sparked a light in me that I was longing for! I realized it is the little homemaking details I haven't done lately, the special little touches I used to, that is making the difference. Of course, getting into a solid routine again once school starts (less then 2 weeks mind you) will help tremendously, but I need to start now!

I have a confession. I am addicted to facebook! LOL So, of course that is going to get fixed too! :) And today. So if you follow me on facebook, please know that I am not allowing myself to get on it unless their is truly free time, and for now I am taking drastic measures and will not be on even when I *think* there is free time. I have lots to prepare for school, and last minute celebrations with my kids. I will not be playing any of those silly games, but I will post to update family and friends of new blessings I encounter along the way.


I want a canner system for my home. I think I am going to put that on my gift list. We also plan on creating a garden, for the spring, but I may look into what I can grow here in the winter and work on that as well. Life is so precious, to be giving it way to time robbers. If you remember, the other day I posted on no more excuses. One of them was getting rid of timerobbers,and I may have to take drastic measures to do that. I dont' want to, but I need to. Blogging is my form of "therapy" so it stays but all the others must go for now. I can't focus on anything more then my home, and preparing for the school year. Once school begins it is sewing and preparing for the Holidays. I am going to work hard on bringing a touch of "old fashioned" to our home for Christmas. I mean handmade everything, including some gifts. I want to pour ME into the gifts we give not what was on sale at Walmart, a good deal at the Mall, or even what I got FREE from Khols. Life is too precious to say "I don't have time for that" when we simply give our time away online, gossiping on the phone, and giving ourselves away to things that do not matter, things that do not hold any true substance.

So, with that I will leave you to ponder your own thoughts. Please stop by from time to time, I will still blog, but know that as I pour myself into my home, I may be absent from time to time. For those of you who originally followed my blog because of my weightloss journey you will hear an update here and there, but honestly right now I am not focusing on that. I am doing what the experts have said for years and years ~ eating right and exercising. Who knew!? I have no magical tips, I have no insight that can honestly help at this point. During Gag I will be sharing more so if you want just hop on over, book mark it and from Sept 1 to Dec 22 you can keep up with my weightloss there. For now, for oneprettylittlebox, the focus is switching gears. I feel it. Don't you? I feel it! There is a need in our lives, that we have got to get a grasp on. Yesterday I felt so uplifted and felt like I was doing something with purpose when I worked in the kitchen. Simply cooking dinner, cleaning up from it, and tending to the birthday girl. THAT is my purpose! All the other that you get to experience through this blog, is extra! Bonus points! But the funny thing is I feel a pull in our lives, in society. A NEED, and urgent need at that, to become the godly women that we are called to be. We are not called to bring caos into our homes, we are not called to bring disheevel, and an uproar in our homes, in our families. We are to be the HEART of the home, and if that heart is broken, so is the home. It's time for surgery ladies! We need to have an open heart surgery and allow God to fill us with all that He can, so that we can fullfill our purpose in life! ... Oh, I feel it! I am getting my preach on! LOL I will be praying for you, yes you. If your reading this, I have prayed for you to have this same longing to bring love back into our homes, and in a way that has never been before. A kind of love that is everlasting, unconditional, forgiving, mercyful, kind, and overwhelming!

Be blessed!

Realigning priorities and Being the Blessing

It is that time of year where my blogging will slow down. It has to! I have got to get things lined out as our Summer Break is closing in on us and FAST! Really it may not be so much the blogging that slows down but all other internet stuff. Ya know, the "Fun" stuff. It has consumed me this summer and I have enjoyed it. But just as I have enjoyed it, I have missed keeping my priorities where they belong. I have already removed myself from the only message forum I was a part of, not that I was there very much lately anyway.

But I have to say something. I am so excited about that! I completely am!! Not only to be back in order, but to be the blessing to my family and to others that I long to be. A blessing of sorts that has yet to be seen through me. A blessing!!

So, my prioritites are that of any good Christian gal and should not take any of you by surprise!!

1. God ~ My lover, my Father, My everything!!!
2. My husband ~ Because he is my soul mate and best friend
3. Our children ~ What a precious gift they are in their own little way!
4. Our Home ~ Inside and out because I LOVE it all!
5. My Ministry ~ three part here (Teaching preschool, singing in the church choir, and yes blogging! For those of you who do not know, I surrender my blog to be used for ministry in whatever ways that God may use for that!)

So, I am about to dig into finishing "Facinating Womanhood", and "creative counterpart" both hopefully by the end of the month. I have a new book and biblestudy that I want to get into come September. Also, my health comes in there somewhere. I think a bit of piece of each of me (healthwise) that goes with each of the listed priorities. ~Smile ~

Today we are celebrating our daughters 10 year birthday! What an exciting time. I will not be online at all on this day (that is why I preposted this ahead of time) in order to honor her as much as this momma can! :) Until next time, be blessed and do what you can to be a blessing!

Use me

Have you ever been placed in your "calling" and yet begin to wonder why and what if? Yep. We all have. Why is it so easy to ask God to show us his purpose for us, but so quick to say "wait, that's not what I meant!".

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. Jeremiah 29:11~14

I have learned a lot in the last five years, and intend to learn a lot this year as well in my classroom. Sure, I am the "teacher" but let me tell you something you might not have known. I learn much more from these children then I could possibly ever teach them.

Coming next week is a preschool teacher's conference that I look forward to every year. Today I just feel compelled to scream from the roof top "Use Me Lord!". There is a situation that every new year brings, and I just decided while fixing the kids lunch that I am going to STOP worrying about the little things, stop wondering if things are going to change, and instead give it to the Lord, for this is His calling for my life, not my own. Sure, I love working with preschool kids ~ they are the greatest! I adore every moment with them, no matter how difficult it may feel, but let me say sometimes working with other women is difficult. Each of the wonderful women I work with, brings me a smile each and every day. But there are times I just have to shake my head and thank God that I have a different kind of "faith", a different perspective on things. I am sure they do the same with me. As much as I love the women I work with, I often think that high school just never ends. Ya know ~ the drama!! I have realized that I am not on my knees enough, and at times I want to control too much. I thank you Lord for showing me and I pray RIGHT NOW that you have your way!

I am known as the hyper "just wanna be a kid" kind of teacher, and that will never change! THAT is who I am. I remember praying for the "childlike faith" and even the playfulness from the time my babies were.. well babies. Yes ,I can be the responsible adult I need to be, and I know that without a shadow of a doubt this is going to be one of my greatest years to teach. This work that God has done in me this summer has changed my life. I am loving who I am becoming and NO ONE could have ever given me that. God has shown me that he created me in a way that he couldn't' create anyone else. I have traits that are my own, and I need to stop hiding those! This is a whole new world for me, and I am excited to be able to that fresh outlook into my classroom, and even share with my co workers and friends at school. I am much bolder, then I have ever been, and what a GREAT thing to be, especially when 18 three year olds are looking at you for direction. ( Not sure on the number this year, that has been a good average the past 5 years.)

So this year, I am praying that God can use me, and use me fully, as I am ready! I am FINALLY ready to stop fighting the system, finally ready to move forward without the garbage from my past holding me back, finally ready to take flight! I am ready to move forward with each of the lovely ladies I work with, knowing that they too are just human.

After the Rain

Today I am purely exhuasted. Completely worn out. And because of that we are just now finishing our houseblessings for the day. It was a rainy day here in South East Texas, at least the first half. Let me say that was the first real rain since like June 3rd. The rain was well wished for, prayed for, and desired. There is something calming and peaceful about a rainy day, especially if your in the family room enjoying a favorite sitcome rerun from the nineties and you have your favorte lap blanket. When it is dark, and you hear "pitter patter" hit the window, and run off from the roof making a slight puddle outside the front window. After the rain, everything is refreshed and made new again.

I had one of those days today. See, yesterday I moved forward in my breakthrough. If you read the entry I posted on Monday about how God began speaking to me about my self hatred and how much it was keeping me down in the pitt, then you might understand the rest of this post a bit better. Yesterday I had a talk one on one with me. In the mirror while I was getting ready to head out for the day. I spoke openly and honestly about this realization I had. When I did, I realized when this all began. I will simply put it like this. There was "someone" who physically abused me from the time I was 4 all the way until I was 11, in ways a child should never have been touched. This someone has since been forgiven by me, but out of shame back then I have never told my mother. I never shared with her all the times I cried out to her and yet, she never heard me. My voice, just told me to Shut up and suck it up. I tried to scream, I really did, but .... it didnt' happen. I internalized all this pain, shame, and fear for so long that it became normal. My normal. I forgave that person with all I have, for I know this wasn't a "flesh" battle ( though I fought it in the flesh every time), instead it was spiritual. Those years changed me in ways I will never be able to share whole heartedly. At least not now. Even though I did forgive him, I have never forgiven myself, not until now.

The rain has come, and through each and every moment I can say, I can see the light. I can see the little girl I used to be ~ still hiding in the corner, scared to let go, scared to scream, scared to say "IT WASN"T MY FAULT!" But now, today, I can also see my Jesus. I can see him stooped down beside me, with his arms held out saying "Come! I will protect you!". When I think of all the things I have robbed myself of, my husband of, even my children of, I get so angry. All over again, and want to just hide. But I can't! Not anymore! See there is this beautiful butterfly who is breaking out of her cocoon, just waiting for her wings to dry before she takes flight!

During that conversation with myself, I realized daily, I have to forgive myself for things that happened, and for not saying anything. For still not saying anything. I can't. I won't. What was done is done. But the amazing thing is this: Just as Jesus has forgiven me of my sins (and I am not talking about the not telling being a sin), I must forgive myself as well. I DO! I REALLY DO! I will no longer listen to those lies saying that I must be unloveable because I am no good, that I must be tarnished goods and not worthy of REAL love. I must not listen when I think that nothing I do matters. I used to hate myself. Now, I only hate the wasted years.

I am BEAUTIFUL inside and out. I am LOVING from the top to the bottom! The rain has come, rinsed me off, and now.. I walk in the rays of the Son. I am a Wonderful Creation, that can not be duplicated, and because of that God has an amazing purpose for my life ~ every single moment of it. I am ready, to embrace it! I am ready to allow myself to be loved the way He intended! The storns for the day have passed, and I am basking in the peace of God. Nothing, could mean more! Nothing at all, not after the rain.

ETA: This is not an easy subject to discuss, but it is something that has held me back for too many years. Though I can't tell the one person I would love to, I must share it to be able to share my entire testimony. Without it, my story could be like someone else's. With it, my story is complete. I pray that by sharing this I haven't lost those of you as friends but instead I pray you gained a new perspective not only about who I am, but who God is, all the healing that take place in one's life if we just allow it to happen.

Living, Loving, and Experiencing

Living
One thing I have desired for my life since I can remember is to literally be at a place in my life where I can just live and enjoy it. Not a ton of planning, not a ton of running around making everyone happy, yet being the happiest *I* have ever been in my entire life. I am there! What a wonderful place to be! I literally have not been where I am at emotionally, mentally, physically, and even spiritually then where I am right NOW. I feel like I am living a wonderful fairy tale. Ya know, I have my Prince Charming, we have our own quaint little home including the backyard oasis which is keeping us entertained and active, three fantastic children who keep us young and laughing, and I couldn't be happier. My dh and I enjoyed some intimate time ( I don't mean just sexual either, so dont' go blushing on me!) one on one together, complete and utterly the most romantic and uninterrupted time to talk, to embrace one another to explore. I was just wowed! As a young couple making it in the world, raising a family, keeping a home, and all that life entails it is hard to stay connected unless we purposely set time aside now and then for one another. ON PURPOSE! I am just so in love with him, that I am overwhelmed at times.




Loving
My heart is so full this evening. It has been for a few days actually. I truly feel like life is changing before my very eyes, and in that my heart is being opened to embrace the loving relationships that I need to nurture more and more as time draws to an end each day. Relationships in my own home between my husband and I, the children and I, friends and I, etc. I am loving the little friendships that form in our choir at church. What a neat little (150 of us) we are!  Some people have made comments to me since I do go to a pretty large church (running 5,000 to 7,000 ~ not including the 1500 kids) how hard it must be to connect. My thoughts on that are if you are in a church, that is full of the presence of the Living God, and loving people it will not matter how many people are around. I truly see a neat little glimpse of Heaven each and every week. I LOVE it! I love having the time to nourish some friendships that have been neglected due to busy school schedules. What a nice treat that is!




Experiencing
For the first ime in my adult life I feel young again, and ready to embrace some new experiences. The fear that used to embrace me when I thought of trying something new is no longer there and I am just sooo very excited about each and every new thing I can do. Sure losing 70 pounds will do that to someone, but... I have to be honest and say this is more. It is more then just from the weightloss. Anyone can do that. I truly believe that God is healing me from the inside out. I have never had a healthy self esteem, or even felt worthy of much. Just yesterday the Holy Spirit shared with me that I have always been worthy of being in the presence of God. We all are. He created us to be! It is us who feel so unworthy, so hurtful to ourselves, that we choose to seperate ourselves from Him, not He who is choosing that. Weightloss doesn't do that to you, so it is so much more then that. Those close to me may tell you that I have become shallow and all I am about is losing weight, but in all honesty I have to give them that. I was focused for so long, I had to be. I had to focus on myself. But now, the way I eat, and the things I consider important in my health are truly so second nature, that it is just life! I don't have to focus so hard anymore. Sure, I have to tell myself No, but dont' we all? In eerything we do? I mean come on ~ The Bible vs your favorite tv show. Sometimes making the right decison is hard, and sometimes we don't. No more dwelling on the negative stuff. I will make the right choices in my life for the most part, and every now and then I know that I may not make the right choice but it doesn't mean it's the end! The end will come, when I am in Heaven with my Father!

Saturday's musings ~ Little things

As I sit here this Saturday morn, enjoying my coffee and listening to the sounds of my family, I realize how different we are (our family compared to most others). And how different my heart desires to be from the norm. I long to be the presence of God, yet I realize I have to make the effort. Any effort really, and He is right there. I see through the eyes of Him how lovely my family is, and I long to to just sit and cry of feelings so overwhelming. God has blessed me with a hard working man, one that I love and honor and adore, yet I dont know that he knows all that. My dh has a sense of humor that I am overly sensitive to, and take too much that is said to heart. I was angry walla go, but now realize that he was only "kidding". Lord give me the ability to not only see with your eyes as I have asked this morning, but to also begin hearing with your ears, not mine!

I am not much of a morning person, though I have throughout the years have begun maturing in my attitude and getting up with my dh. I like to see him in the morning when he leaves for work, and if the only words we speak are " I love you" and "have a good day", it is enough! I (especially in the Summer) am not very productive in the mornings. I like to chill reading blogs, drinking coffee and yes, playing on Farm Town on facebook. Don't get me wrong, I am not a lazy person, I am just very laid back in the mornings. I am working on that though, at least on a few things.

This summer our temps are already so warm, and you add into that using the oven in the heat of the day, you end up with a harder working ac, and an uncomfy kitchen. Our kitchen has one of those old fashioned doors that swing open and shut, so I have begun closing it mid day, and keeping the heat trapped in that part of the house and it helps, but yet there are times I want to make my family a loaf of homemade bread to go with their dinner. Well, I haven't done it yet, because of the heat issue, but if I would just do it early in the morning, it would still be there, and could just be warmed up, or even toasted w/ a bit of garlic! YUMMY! (yeah ~ I don't eat it but I love the smell of it!)

Little things. That is what I am wanting to embrace each and every day. The little things. I have made some big changes in our home again ~ though they are not "new". Up until Christmas vacation my radio station did not leave KSBJ ( a Contemporary Christian Station here in the Houston Area). But when you head out of town, alot of local stations fade, and we did the dial play! I found a new station I loved immediatly though I must say it was mainstream ~ not Christian. For a while I allowed it played in the home, in the car, anywhere we are. Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against mainstream music. As a singer, and one who is completely moved and motivated by music, I truly do listen to everything. But I began to notice changes in my children and their attitude. We don't use curse words (my husband might, but he is getting so much better!) in our home, and I do not allow a disrespective attitidue towards anyone. ( even siblings). More and more of this has begun to occur. Some shows ( childrens programing) were taken away, and it subsided a bit. But, there was something there.... and it hit me when I changed my music player for my blogs the other day ( yes again!). The music... it is effecting them more then I realized. So, here at home, and in the car, we have either been listening to CD's, KSBJ, classical music, or another christian station. I realize as a parent, and one who knows how BIG of a responsibility that is how decieving the little things that creep into our children's minds effect everything they are about.

We have also slacked in our family devotion time, which is now back on track ~ Praise the Lord! I am excited to see the changes in our childrens attitudes as well as my own in the coming weeks. I knew Sunday, in my heart and my mind that things were changing. And changing for the good! I have been putting my links to the blogs that I write into my facebook account, because well, what better way to really get to know me. I am a simple and old fashioned kinda gal! I believe in showing my family that I love them through food, through time together, and through every day experiences, not for what I could buy them, or how many activities I can cram in their little lives. I do not want for much in my life, and for that I am eternally grateful. I have a home that is paid for, a husband who loves me unconditionall, is an awsome provider and my best friend, three GREAT kids who have so much to give this world. I have books to read, friends to share good times ( and bad) with, there is just so much I am grateful for. My heart is full, and again, I lack for nothing! So if you read through my blog and you think wow, this woman is pretty pathetic and old fashioned, thanks! I dont live a lavish lifestyle, nor do I want to! I am a pretty simple gal, and I love it that way! I love the little things in life. They are what makes us who we are, who we become, and honestly who we long to be.

Well, you have a blessed day now! IF this is the first time you have come to my blog, I encouarge you to read through the older entries! I have several others listed under my profile too!