Stuck in a rut Saturday

Happy Saturday! This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice in it! (  ) Are you rejoicing this Saturday, or are feeling like your stuck in a rut? Have you ever been stuck in a rut? To me that is one of the WORST feelings ever! Why? Well, let me explain! Go getcha (yeah the Texas slang is coming out in this post so getter ready!) a cup of coffee, tea, a glass of cold iced tea, or lemonade and come back so we can chat! This may be a long one.

First you have to know what being 'stuck in a rut' means. It is an idom that simply means "doing the same thing all the time". Do not get this confused with keeping a schedule, it is not the same thing. Here is another example of the meaning that really made it clear to me to understand what "stuck in a rut" is. "The literal meaning comes from the act of a car tire being stuck in a rut in the road. You can go a couple of inches forward or backward but, basically, you are not able to get the car out of the deep groove in the road." That came from yahoo answers and I LOVED it.

I have been there, stuck in the rut before. Sometimes too often. You? This week however has been different. If I am to be honest, I haven't been this energized and full of purpose in a VERY LONG time! As God is giving me new instructions for how to use my time, my days, my energy ~ He is giving me a new vision! And that is some exciting stuff. No ruts are allowed when your given a vision. Well, let's clarify that thought. No ruts should be evident if we are given a vision and we are working/living towards that.

Then the Lord said "Write the vision, make it plain on tablets, 

That he may run who reads it." Habakkuk 2:2

What vision has God given you today for your life? Write it down so that you will then be able to run to it! Now, pray and ask God what is it that you should do to begin to prepare to walk that vision out! Can I tell you that is just the first step of getting out of a rut. People who get into ruts do so because they have lost their vision, dreams and goals. If your just going through the motions of the days your not really living. You are only surviving. How fun is that?! Did you know life was created to be enjoyed?! God wants you to enjoy your days ~ and praise HIM for each day, not just go through the motions and dread every day. Whatever gets in your mind and stays there, will eventually show up in your life. You dread your days, then the days are going to be dreadful! You Praise God for your days and look for new and exciting things, then your days will be exciting.

Last night, as I am preparing dinner I hear this voice. Yes, THAT voice ~ the quiet one that we all know to be the voice of God. While I love that God wants to speak to me ~ I knew it would be a tough one to choose. Why? Because he has already given me vision this week, and He has already began showing me many things. Heck He is providing many tools for this vision to come to fruition. So as this sweet voice starts to speak, I am almost brought to my knees. Want to know what He said?

"You can't just begin to prepare for this vision ~ you have to dress and act like it is already happening!" OH my! Mind you I had on a pair of shorts and a rugged t shirt. I felt like a sloppy mess all day, yet never more than at that moment. If these dreams I have ~ that now go beyond just writing a novel but to speaking to many many women about living a life of purpose rather than just surviving I need to being dressing like I already am. I am indeed dressing lately like I am in a rut! My life may not feel like it ~ but it surely looks like it.

Remember, today is a new day. If your reading this in the morning, then I pray God uses it to encourage you to gather a vision and start walking towards it. If it is in the evening, I pray God will open your heart to a new beginning even before your eyes close. Whenever you read this, be reminded that your alive and it's not too late to get out of that rut, start dreaming and reach for your goals! It can be done!

So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locusts have eaten, the crawling locusts, 

the consuming locusts, and the chewing locusts, 

My great army which I have sent among you. Joel 2:25 

It's not what is said: it is how you use it for Motivation!

Those of you who have been around here for a long time, know that I don't really share anything negative about my marriage. I usually keep any ill feelings just between my husband and I, but this time I truly feel led by the Lord to share a circumstance, and how I handled it. This is hard for me, because I don't like putting my husband out there in a negative light at all. And before I do share, please understand that my husband and I are passionately in love, and we are human just like you. That means we have our moments, but it is how you use those situations that can make or break you.

As you know, I have stepped up my game and have begun to take complete control again. Looking from the outside in, I realize that this probably puts my husband a bit ill at ease. Why? Because let's face it. His wife went from just pretty... to "hawt" already, and I have decided I am not done. That's right. You heard me. I called myself HOT! I am NOT being vain, just taking ownership of this new body that has been created. It started as early as yesterday morning after I had my early morning workout. When I sat down to eat breakfast before getting dressed for church, a comment was said about my food choices. (As usual.)

"Did you have a good workout?"
"Why yes I did. I loved it! I want to start working out in the mornings."
"Well, since you had a good workout, why don't you throw a biscuit on your plate and some jelly."
"No thanks. This is perfect!"
"Chicken"

LOL. Silly banter stuff that I have gotten used to and I didnt' feel threatened just humored. I was so strong yesterday morning, that I could take on the world. In the evening though, I was tiring, and I guess my defenses were down a bit. My husband had decided that he wanted a silly burger from McDonald's. Well, usually that's not a problem for me because I would order a double quarter pounder with NO bun, and no ketchup. Simple. Done. But I am working on eating as cleanly as possible. That is where my convictions lie for now. So silly me says to myself, but out loud "Maybe I will have one last set of fries" knowing I wouldn't because I had been having "one last" all week. Looking back, I think this may have triggered a negative thought into my husband's mind, because he knew I meant business when I said "last". So, as I got dressed to go get dinner, I was about to walk out the door when I hear "Your butt is saggy".

Immediatey I was crushed, offended, and very hurt. I just looked at him, and walked out the door hearing him mumble "Why do you take everything so serious?". I take things about my body very seriously. Even if he was just "kdding". I understand that his sense of humor is warped, and he grew up in a home where you teased the ones you love and the more you loved them the more you teased them. And I have gotten good about letting it rolll off my back, and throwing something back at him, but it still hurt. It stung. Here I am making all these changes in my life, and the one person I desire support from apparently doesn't realize that he burries what support he does give under comments like that.

As I walked out the door, I didnt' care what he had to say. I was done with the conversation for the moment. McDonald's is like 5 minutes from the house, by the time I got there, I was saying "THANK YOU" because he helped me not even think about those fries. I came home and made me some eggs w/ ham and cheese. I was even more determined to eat on plan, and not think twice. And I told him thanks. IN fact I told him "Thanks for being a butthole, because you made it easy for me to say no to those fries.' I couldn't help but be distant from him though for a little while. He appologized in his little way, and all was fine by bedtime.

I have to tell you ~ this was a powerful moment for me. Why? Because I didnt use food as my crutch, no way! IN fact, I did the opposite. I avoided it because of the emotions I had running through my veins. Not avoided like didn't eat, but avoided eating "comfort" foods. (Chocolate, cookies, fries, etc..) This was like I said, a powerful moment. One that I am still pondering over "How did I do that?". I didn't sleep well through the night though. I had some aches and pains in my back and hips, and just felt overall uncomfortable. Because of that, I chose not to go workout because I know that if I were to have gone, I would have only just got an injury. I am going to get a workout in today, an unconventional one, but a good one. One that lasts for hours throughout my day. And I will return to early morning workouts in the morning.

Now, imagine my surprise when I woke up this morning knowing what I was going to blog about, when I saw Mrs. Beth had updated her blog, and had a similar topic going on. See, it isn't what my husband said that got me, it was how I felt about myself at that moment. How I still percieve myself from time to time. I know that I am a "Lean Mean Momma Machine" and that I can do anything that I put my mind to. But it was so nice to see that I wasn't alone. I think there are alot of women out there who are trying to make life changes, yet the ones they love just don't have a clue! If that is you, please either leave me a comment or send me an email so that I can be praying for you.

I finished the book. Believe It, Be It: How Being the Biggest Loser Won Me Back My Life I have determined that even though I checked it out from the library, that I am going to purchase a copy of this for myself. There are a lot of positive affirmations in this book. I can't recommend it enough! So, when I order this book I am going to also order Fat Chance: Losing the Weight, Gaining My Worth who was another Biggest Loser contestant. These women inspire me and it's time to allow that inspiration to move me into newer levels.

Well, it's Monday. Back to the grind at the preschool, and our regular routines here at home! Yay! I love routines. I do so well when I have one.

I don't want to grow up, or do I?

Sometimes being an adult is hard. We have to make choices that are difficult, yet prove we have a level head on our shoulders. But you know what, it doesn't have to be so hard does it? Not when we weigh things out and ponder them purposefully.

I have become a big fan of initializing a pros and cons list to determine what is right for the moment. But before that, I always believe in prayer and finding clarity. I have learned to listen to my innerself, the part of me that knowingly tells me something is not right, or something is perfect.Whether it be a big thing or a little thing, God has given us a spirit within us to determine right from wrong. And Wrong doesn't have to mean sinful, it could be something like a family vacation, that is just in the wrong timing.

I had to say no yesterday to someone I love dearly, because well, the timing just wasn't right. THAT is what makes it hard. Saying NO when you know it's the right thing to do yet feeling like you let someone down. Instantly when the final decision was made, I felt a rush of peace and my mind could finally rest. Luckily this person is family, and she loves me even when she doesn't understand me.

I am finding myself in a new season daily, and I guess as this new season blooms your going to hear alot of it. It is what I am about right now, what moves me. I know when I turned 30 it was rough. I grew in every way then. It seems that when I turned 36 it has done the same. But in a different manner. 30 was painful kind of growth. I am not fighting it now as I did then. Does this really happen every so often for you? Where you find yourselves going in different direction then you were when you were a few years younger? Whatever is going on, I do accept it. And thankfully I have kept my "young at heart" attitude because I am just LOVING teaching this semester. Being pulled in so many directions at the preschool lately has truly given me a new appreciation of my classroom and each little person in it.

I have been trying to use up whatever boxed items I have in my pantry, as we are moving more to all scratch cooking. Sure it takes a few more minutes, but the rewards are priceless. I can tell a difference even in my precious children's behavior. I let them have cake, but one without the extra chemcials and junk. I let them have cookies, but not from a package or a mix. Did you know that foods without all those perservatives and chemcials that our bodies were not even created to digest to begin with, are more filling and satisfying? Yes I use REAL butter! I use WHITE flour (gluten issues). I use White sugar too. I still see a difference in their behavior. I am going to continue this path of wholesome scratch cooking and see what becomes of it. My own kids monitor their weight (just goes to show habits are environmental) and I will know if they gain too rapidly just by simply moving them into eating what they want, as long as it was a prepackaged food. My kids do not have a weight problem at all.~ Getting of my soapbox now ~

I love how I hear "I just don't have time for that kind of stuff"... as if I have more magical hours in a day. :) That even comes from a few who work part time, or not at all. It's not that you don't have time, it's that you choose to do other things with your time. Right now, I am focusing on taking care of my family in a way that will be fruitful for years to come. Not just the here and now. It's always the bigger picture in things..... and we live in a society who lives in the "now" not caring about tomorrow. Shame on you, if you do not look into your children's future and see what you are setting them up for. Yes I said it, and I am NOT ashamed!

This new season is finding me much more in the 'adult' mode then I have ever been before, and that is okay! I truly am loving being a grown up!

Hiding behind a mask

What mask are you hiding behind?

Don't say none, because we all do it. Everything looks good on the outside, and we even go as far as to tuck all the ugliness away to be unseen. Many times a day we change our mask to match the situation we are facing. Even when we look at our own reflection, we hide behind the mask.

The other day I was sharing in my day, and then had to go really quickly because I needed to "paint my face" on. Yes I meant makeup but, maybe I realized how much  more I meant by that statement then I led on.

I can go through my day and put on such a front that I even fool myself sometimes. Not for long, because thankfully God brings me back to reality, but please! I realize too often  how easy it is to put on a mask then to just deal with the situation at hand.

Today Pastor Garrett was sharing about how he keeps a bullet in his desk drawer. I have heard the story before, but every time I do, it brings tears to my eyes, and leaves my spirit broken. See he was a youth pastor for along time (several years) before moving up into an associate pastor's position in our church. Anyway, he was at youth camp and it was the last day. He had been talking the kids as a group when the Holy Spirit prompted him to approach one of the teens right then. He, for a split second second guessed it because after all, he was in the middle of something. Thankfully Garrett was obedient because he approached the young man. The teen was very popular and on the outside looked like he had it all together. After talking to him for a while, the teen gave his life to the Lord. The next week, the teen approached Garrett and handed him a bullet. He told him that he had prayed, and if God didn't do something that week at camp, he was going to come home and blow his brains out. Thankfully the Lord moved, and Garrett listened. When the teen handed the bullet to Garrett he told him that he didn't need anymore, that he now had God.

How many times do we put on a fa sod and make it look good to others (even ourselves) that we are all put together, and life is grand when it feels completely and utterly hopeless? How many times do we look at others and think that they have it all together just by the way things appear on the outside? There is so much that God can do through us if we would just be honest with others, and even more so with ourselves. There is so much power in letting go of the fake stuff just because we are afraid of being judged. I am here to tell you there is always going to be someone judging you in this world. We humans are very critical of others, as well as ourselves. If we were as critical though of our own selves, as we are others, there would be far less hurting going on. Why? Because I can tell you first hand I have enough to be critical over in my life, that I no longer have time to focus on you, or her, or that one over there.

So, on this first Sunday in March, I am announcing to the entire world that I am taking off my mask forever. I challenge each of you to consider to do the same. It's hard. It's painful. But I am ready to be completely FREE to be what God has created me to be and I can't do that until I allow myself to be completely genuine with myself and others. I can't fool God, neither can you. Why don't we just stop trying to.

My name is Sheila. From this point forward I may share things you don't like. That is fine. If you don't like it, simply don't read it. Point blank. I am learning to love me for who I am and I am inviting you to do the same. You don't have to love, just accept me as I am. Flaws and all. And I promise, to accept you just as you are.

Love Hurts

Love hurts! There are plenty of love songs out there to prove that true love really does hurt sometimes. I am experiencing that this weekend. Sounds like it would make for a horrible weekend doesn't it?  No way my friends! I am beyond blessed by this painful relationship! Sounds coo key you say? Let me explain!

There is someone who loves me unconditionally, and there are more times then I care to admit of times I have broken their heart. Literally grabbed it with my own two hands, and ripped it out. Often with a smirk on my face. Love hurts. I realize how many times I have poured ice cold water on this relationship, rather then allowing air to vent the flames of passion. I personally, with my own ignorance, have turned my back in this relationship. If it were me, I would have left me a long time ago. I have cheated, stolen, lied, back talked, gossiped about, disrespected, dishonored and more.

See, it began last night. When I began seeking out my lover, because I was simply at the bottom of my pit.A pit that I dug for myself, and voluntarily jumped in. But there he was. Looking down at me. Eye to eye. But instead of shame for me on his face, was nothing but a smile with his hand held out to help me up out of this pit. I realize it is time to stop playing games. It is time to stop trying to push Him away because I felt like I wasn't worthy. All that truly did was slap him in the face, and tell him that his death did nothing for me ~ and was not needed. See, I can't save myself. Neither can you. No one can.

I have turned away from my Lord out of pride and selfishness. But he is there. Waiting. Patiently. Like no love I have ever endured.

Today my kids learned a lesson about how much love hurts. We are learning that we need to make sure the things we see and listen to are pleasing to God. Yes, this means mom and dad too. It means that even though we loved a song for the background beat of it more then the words, if it is NOT pleasing to God and goes against His word, we do not need to waste time listening/watching it. They sat down with their MP3 players and took out music that I allowed them to have. I am thankful that God gave me the desire to take this step in our lives. It is NOT okay to allow my children to listen to anything that goes against what God's Word says. They don't know how to say no, unless we teach them. The world surely isn't going to teach that, and I can't expect it to fall on the shoulders of my church.

I was touched. Two of the three accepted it, with very little groans. There was some, but it was a time when we talked about how if it doesn't align with God's word, we don't need to be a part of it. Am I saying all music is bad? NOT at all. But I do believe it is our responsibilities as parents to guard our children's minds, hearts, and spirits, and if you allow your child to listen to things about how billy bob goes out partying, sleeping with so and so, or pushing drugs on the street ~ NONE of that aligns with what God has called us to be as people.One of the three children had more of a problem, but he was over it very fast. I often heard "But I LOVE that song!". When you simply ask "would God love it?" and the answer was NO, then he understood the point. Groaning stopped. The whole concept was accepted. I feel FREE!

I am thankful that God doesn't call us to compare ourselves with one another. There is NOT ONE scripture that says we have to keep up with the Joneses or do what so and so is doing! I LOVE that! I realize that I no longer "need someones permission" to live a certain way, because really it doesn't matter! God's opinion matters! It's a relief in my spirit! And I have NO DESIRE to be in any one's business on how to raise their kids, clean their house, pay their bills, etc. I just don't have the fight anymore. And why should I? What energy I wasted over the last few years.

That pit I was in, was deeper then I realized yesterday. Yes it was. This afternoon I feel exhausted in my spirit, body, and emotions. Why? Because, when you experience God, and truly allow him to move in you ~ it is alot of work. It is like I all of a sudden realized how much nonsense I have been carrying around, and when I put it down for the first time, I now see how tired it all made me. Praise the Lord! My plan for the rest of the day is to just rest in Him, finish preparing these football foods, and relax!

May you and yours have a blessed Sunday!



P.s: GO SAINTS!

A breakthrough like no other

Though I cant' share all the details of my breakthrough as I would like to at this point, but I would like for you to reference a date. July 21, 22, and 23. I have gotten used to blogging daily, and some of you have said you have gotten used to that as well. Those three days I will be out of town enjoying some amazing fellowship with my co teachers at a yearly teaching convention we attend out of the area. I will NOT have access to blogger, face book, or much else unless I use my phone. I don't like blogging from my phone, so I have planned to share my latest challenge with you that I am currently dealing in. So on those days note that there will be some blog posts ( all written ahead of time) that will explain part of my breakthrough.

BUT... it is only part. I am now in a clear mind of thinking that I literally haven't had for months on end. Like since the end of December 2008. Yep six months of cloudy thinking, moody emotions, and so much more I would not like to even disclose! But today ~ BREAKTHROUGH!! I am so excited and literally walking on a cloud, beyond the number 9!

I have realized how BLESSED my dh and I are. We have three amazing kids that have hearts that are HUNGRY for God! I couldn't want anything else for them. I don't care about their grades, though they do matter. I don't care about their friends, but they do matter. What I care most about, is their heart. A heart geared towards God above all else, is something that not only will get them to live their life full of passion and purpose, but blessings will be poured out onto them forever! I realized how honored I am to be a wife to such an amazingly hard working man who only wants to love and take care of his family. THAT is truly his only motive! God has given me so many abilities to share his goodness, his love, his mercy, and his favor onto people who may never even think of giving God a second glance.

Breakthrough in relationships! I have let a few go, and by doing so, I am amazed at the friendships that He has given birth to once again! People in my life who LOVE me for all my quirks not just what they can benefit from! Friends who have been with me in High school ~ during that awkward and tough time. Friends who have I have known as long as my husband, who have watched me grow from a very selfish and flippant young lady to the woman God has created me to be today. :) I am still working on a few family relationships that really need tons of nurturing in ways that only God can do. I can't, they can't. Only Him.

Breakthrough in my health! I have had a Major breakthrough on my mental state. For six months, as I spoke of I basically walked in a tunnel, barely treading above water just to stay alive. Not one but many helped to pull me down until the suction from that painful negativity so much so I just about lost all I was, all I had worked for, all that God has given me. Why? Because of trying to please everyone and being afraid to stand up for what is right. No longer can I do that. No longer will I.

Breakthrough in my dreams and goals. I am excited. I am definitely putting it out there and telling all who are reading this, I WILL have my first manuscript for a novel written BEFORE December 31st of this year. IF you think of me during your day, please pray for clear direction, and creative genius to get across all that God wants me to! I have so many story lines I really need clarity right now. Also, please, ask me! Ask how it is going! I need someone to hold me accountable!

I am blessed, and tonight, when bedtime comes, and after I said my prayers, I will lay my head on the pillow and be forever grateful for my life.

I am finally BACK!

I can feel it! I think my whole "say buh bye" to negativity has made all the change I needed. That letter I wrote to myself, helped too. THAT is the purpose of this blog, to have an outlet during this journey of mine. One that is ever changing, ever challenging, but never ending!

It feels good to have "controL' back, that I had completely lost for the last 2 months. I am feeling well, and enjoying every minute of it. Today I was on a high ~ a natural high. A joy even if you would want to call it that. I am totally back on track, and for that I think is so exciting!I have spent so much time focusing on the boohoo's of my journey, and the "yucky parts", but now it is time to focus on the good parts!

Today at schoool I had several people comment on my "shape"; a coworker, and a parent. It was a good day! It is always a good day when someone notices your hard work, and lets you know they see it! Today I am noticing that what I call my "trouble spots" are beginning to tone a bit! Yahooo! The other crazy thing is, my activity level has been absolutely crazy lately! I mean I am constantly busy, and wanting to be busy. Today at school, the only time I sat down was to read 2 stories to my class, and for about 15 minutes to eat lunch. Usually I am sitting during nap time, but not today! Instead I cut out some stuff for our bulletin board and then began tackling that before the end of the day. Very cool I tell ya! I am just so pumped! Getting in the right amount of fluids, the right foods, and making time to squeeze every bit of exercise I can into my day is just a good feleing. A very good way to end the day ~ crawling into bed knowing that you did your absolute best in all that you could today.

I am still waiting on news that I can share with you about my dh's career! Hopefully soon we will know. By Friday at the latest! Anyway, after my earlier "drive by blogging" I thought I would come back while watching the Bachelor and catch you up! Have a blessed night!